Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
