Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize