Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
