So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
