My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
