Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sober January is a disaster.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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