saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
