woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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