i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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