he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
