1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Plan B is the new Plan A
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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