I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
