it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize