Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
