i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
