Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize