I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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