you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
