dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
