Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
