Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
