this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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