Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
