Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
