Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
