arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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