I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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