Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
