May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she looked like the before picture.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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