I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
