How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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