He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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