my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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