Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
