Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
