Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
