Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
