Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
