I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's like iHOP with fire
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
