I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
