I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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