She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
