You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
