just tell him i said nine months
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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