nutella sex= disaster
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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