if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
