Are we in a gay sports bar?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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