Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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