btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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