drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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