He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
