The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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