my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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