last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
