I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
