Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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