her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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