Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well you can't waste a boner
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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