she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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