I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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