she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
