the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
