I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Green mimosas i think yes
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
