I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
