Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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