Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
