He had one of those small greek statue penises
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
