Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
