I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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